when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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