I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
