I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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