I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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