So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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