it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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