you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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