So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
