My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
True college students do jello shots in the library
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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