Pants 0. Shit 1.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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