he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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