What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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