i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
