She said her name was "party"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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