his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
