so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
