fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
