we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
