What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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