Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
