In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She bit a glass in half.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
