I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
