I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am midnight drunk by noon
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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