When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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