The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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