watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
