i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
