At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
