Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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