Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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