wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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