and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
