There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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