So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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