after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Vodka?
Forever.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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