my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
