So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You made out with two different species that night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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