Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i drank out of a bidet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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