I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
