He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
