I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
