Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
