Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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