you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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