I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
