I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize