I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
