sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
