According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
