Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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