I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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