i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
