I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
