I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
