Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
