Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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