He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
