As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
