we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
