all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
