so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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