Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
