i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
