I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
