I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
