I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
