So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
