I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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