Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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