I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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