Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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