Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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