tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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