I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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