anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
