My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
