I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
