"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
